


All The Kings Horses

by Raynecloud254



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2019-08-01 03:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16277063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynecloud254/pseuds/Raynecloud254
Summary: Just a bunch of one shots. Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

Things were tense. Not in the usual way that Clarke was used to with him, not like it had been so long ago in the beginning; the tension was like a wall. Even standing across the room, she could feel the anger radiating from him, rolling into her with an unforgiving chill. She could feel the occasional weight of his stare on her face, cold and foreign, and whenever he spoke- never to her directly- his harsh voice cut at her marble skin.

It stung.

All of their lingering glares stung. Their words aimed to hit where it hurt, which seemed to be everywhere when it came to the people she had once called home. But it was him that hurt her worst of all. She wasn’t innocent by any means, Clarke had done her fair share of causing pain to those closest to her; she would admit it freely…she had abandoned them. She left him…twice. But her intentions had been good, she was reaching for peace. He had screwed it all up. In his rage, Bellamy had thrown all of hers and Lexa’s progress out the window.

“It’s time to leave. Raven and the others are waiting in the loading bay.”

Clarke flinched, looking up at Bellamy from where she sat in the airlock. His bruised face was a mask of cold indifference, brown eyes closed off and glazed over. This was what they were now, functioning together- even though it was halting and tense- when the others were around, and silent enemies behind closed doors. Clarke felt a dull ache spread through her body, settling deep in her bones; she wished she could hate him, wished she could scream at him until he looked at her with anything more than nothing in his expression. She didn’t scream, she simply tucked the Flame into her pocket and followed him back down the corridor.

They drove in still silence. Each of them consumed by their own thoughts, distracted by their own pain. The realization that she had caused the silence made her stomach roll, threatening to make her sick. Her actions lead to Maya’s death and Jasper’s heartbreak, and she was probably somewhat to blame for Lincoln’s murder. They didn’t call her Wanheda for nothing. The thought made her wince and she chuckled humourlessly in the darkness.

“Something funny?” Bellamy muttered, keeping his eyes fixed in front of him as he drove.

“All of you.” Clarke whispered, staring out the window. She hovered a moment over her next answer, tasting the venom of the words on her tongue.

“They were better off without me- you were better off without me. You knew that, they knew that…I get people killed. That’s why I left, you-”

“I don’t care-” Bellamy started, but Clarke cut him off.

“You told me that people die when I’m in charge. As if I didn’t know that. I slaughtered more people than I have room on my back to mark, during the war with the grounders and the Mountain Men. I’ve killed even more since then in a war I wasn’t part of. I know there is blood on my hands, and it will never be washed away.”

Bellamy let out a long sigh, still refusing to look at her. “What’s your point, Clarke?”

“My point is that I left because I didn’t know how to lead our people anymore. I didn’t know how to live without preparing for battle, without the fear of us dying. How could I lead them when I saw blood everywhere I looked? They needed peace. I couldn’t give them that… Not after what I did.” Clarke’s voice wobbled and she had to stop before she broke down.

Beside her, she could feel the tension from Bellamy. She could hear exactly what he was thinking, and it was enough to drive her mad. Clarke didn’t expect him to forgive her, she only wanted him to understand; he couldn’t even give that to her. Of course he couldn’t. Even after all of the times she had looked passed his mistakes, helped him piece himself back together and offered him forgiveness for his sins, Bellamy Blake couldn’t empathize with her.

Clarke bit her lip, fighting against the instinct to lash out and make him hurt the way he was hurting her. She knew he didn’t deserve her cruelty, the man had been through more than enough in the short time they had been on the ground, but Clarke- Wanheda- did not know mercy; how could she?

“I had no intentions of coming back. Turns out, when you are left alone with your demons, you don’t slay them. You become the demon. I wasn’t about to bring that back to all of you. I didn’t want to face them.” Clarke laughed darkly, earning a side glance from Bellamy.

“You didn’t want to face them. You could have, you just didn’t want to. They loved you, and you hurt them when you left. They needed you and you abandoned them.” Bellamy snapped, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

“Believe it or not, I loved them. I swear I did…but I hated them so much after.” Clarke whispered, letting her head fall back against the headrest. “It was because I loved them, that I did all of those horrible things. I became Wanheda because of them- because of you. And I hate them for it.”

The rover was quiet except for the sound of Jaspers snores and Octavia’s deep breaths. The weight on Clarke’s chest remained heavy and restricting, making each breath a painful struggle. As the silence stretched on, Clarke wondered if Bellamy had heard her words; part of her hoped he hadn’t. She closed her eyes a drew in a breath, exhaled, and sucked in another lungful. There was more to say, so much more, but Clarke was exhausted. She had nothing left to give if he wasn’t willing to take it. So she kept her mouth shut and watched the sun begin to peak over the mountains through the grey clouds.

“And me?” Bellamy questioned after what felt like years.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, praying for the exhaustion to win out and take her away. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

He scoffed and shook his head, his jaw working the way it did when he was angry. “Didn’t want to leave me. For someone who didn’t want to leave, you sure had no problem walking away. Twice.”

“I was putting our people first.” Clarke snapped.

“You were running away.”

“I was doing what I thought was right Bellamy! You of all people should understand that!”

“Fuck that! Don’t you dare tell me that I should understand anything that you have done.” Bellamy slammed on the brakes and turned to face her, not caring that both Jasper and Octavia were awake.

“You left me. I never left you, I stuck by your side through everything! I was there for you when you needed me, so where the hell were you? I needed you Clarke! But I guess we’re only partners when I’m useful to you right? Once all of this is over, you’ll take off again and I won’t see you until you need something from me.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes and dug her nails into her palms to keep the tears from coming. She nodded slowly, never looking away from him. She couldn’t be weak; she needed to be strong.

“I…” Her voice cracked and Clarke hated herself for being so frail around him. She hated that he was so blind, hated that he could hurt her so easily. She felt her walls starting to crumble, so Clarke did the one thing she swore she would never do.

“I left you because I couldn’t look you in the eye and not blame you for turning me into a monster.”

Clarke watched Bellamy recoil as though she had slapped him, and she heard the air whoosh out of his lungs as a stunned look flickered across his face. Her words hung in the air, ringing painfully in her own ears. She regretted it immediately, but there was no way she could take it back, and she raged on like the hurricane she was.

“You said I didn’t have the guts to make the hard decisions. Remember that day? The day that I slid a knife into Atom’s neck. And after that it was the aftermath of Murphy’s banishment…the boys he killed. The grounder guard when Finn and I were kidnapped. I manipulated him into showing me his kill marks and slit his throat while he was distracted. I burned three hundred grounder warriors, I'm responsible for the genocide at Mount Weather...I put that chip in Emerson's head and watched it kill him! And for what?

“I killed Atom because you couldn’t. I killed that grounder because Finn needed me. I killed those warriors to save our people, in the mountain I was saving our people, and again today when you were in that airlock I killed a man because he was going to kill you...All of you." Clarke closed her eyes and tried not to let the thought of them nearly dying in that damn airlock suffocate her. 

"I left to spare you from the creature I became. To save you from the mighty Wanheda…and this is all I get. Blame for all of their problems, for their shitty lives. I didn’t turn Jasper into a suicidal drunk. I didn’t slaughter an army that was sent to protect you, and I didn’t kill Gina.”

Clarke scrubbed her face with her hands and shrugged. “ I left you when you needed me, and I’m sorry. But I’m done feeling guilty for putting my people first.”

Clarke drew in a deep breath, and for the first time since she’d left Mount Weather, it didn’t hurt to breathe. After a beat of silence, Jasper started muttering to Octavia about how he was most definitely not suicidal, and Bellamy started driving again; he was back to not looking at her. It hurt like hell, but she couldn’t afford to be selfish and let it break her, they needed to get to Luna. The rest would have to wait


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just after the season 5 finale! I am currently drunk and I was also hammered when I wrote this so my apologies...

Clarke liked to think that things were slowly getting back to normal, that maybe the 130 years they had all spent in Cryo had somehow changed things…but of course it would never be that easy, it never had been for them. After the initial shock of the new planet had worn off, and they’d all had time to mourn Monty and Harper, she started to see just how much damage she’d actually caused. Of course she’d known that her actions would have consequences, but Clarke had figured that her friends would understand that she was only trying to keep Madi safe; she’d thought Bellamy would understand better than any of them. Sometimes it seemed like he was trying to forgive her, but most of the time he kept himself distant. They all did. Echo obviously didn’t trust her, and she clearly wanted nothing to do with Clarke. Raven barely spoke to her and when she did it was brief and detached, and as for Murphy and Emori…well they didn’t outright hate her. Emori would sit with her in the mess hall sometimes, but their conversations were forced and filled with small talk because Clarke felt like she didn’t deserve to know about how the others were doing, or anything about the six years they had spent together in space. The only people that ever seemed happy to see her were Madi and Jordan; even her own mother tried to avoid her if she could. If she wasn’t in medical helping her mother and Jackson, she was in the small room her and Madi shared, sketching or reading…anything to keep her mind busy. She stuck to the wall in their meetings, only attending because Madi said she might need her, but the child never did. Madi had become The Commander and no longer needed Clarke telling her what to do, her friends wouldn’t talk to her, and she was pretty sure that Octavia would kill her if she even tried to talk to her…she had no place among her “people” anymore. Some days she found herself pacing in front of the large window that overlooked the alien planet below them, her mind replaying things she thought she’d forgotten long ago. She needed to get off the damn spaceship and breath fresh air again. 

 

“We have no idea what’s waiting for us down there, and we have enough supplies to last us a while. What’s the rush? Let’s take the time to plan, send down a few drones to scope it out. I, for one, would like to be a little more prepared this time around.” Murphy suggested, leaning back in the chair he sat in.

Bellamy nodded slowly, considering Murphy’s words, and then he glanced around the room. “He’s right, it would be smart to actually have some sort of an idea of what we will be facing once we’re on the ground.”

“The drones can tell us if there’s potential threats, but what about edible plants? Drinkable water? We can’t stay up here until our supplies run out then go down only to find we don’t know what to eat or drink. And we can’t exactly send the drones by themselves, Raven was telling me that they need to be powered on manually.” Madi countered, arching an eyebrow at Bellamy in a way that reminded Clarke of how the girl used to be before their little world had been destroyed.

“I can operate them from here but someone will have to go down to set them up for me.” Raven added, shooting the younger girl a proud grin.

Clarke surveyed the room from her spot against the wall, noting how no one volunteered for the mission. It was safe in space, and they all knew it, but what waited for them on the ground…no one had a clue. Clarke remembered the first time they had arrived on Earth, how afraid they were, how unprepared they were…how many people they had lost since then. Looking at their faces, she knew they were thinking the same thing. They didn’t want to lose anyone else, especially so soon after Monty and Harper. 

“I’ll go.” She sighed, shoving her hands in her pockets.

Everyone’s attention turned to her and Clarke was surprised by how uncomfortable she felt under their gaze, and she even thought she saw Murphy smirk. Clarke stepped further into the room, avoiding everyone’s stares, and met Madi’s eyes with a soft smile. She watched Madi take a deep breath as her eyes scanned the faces around her, before settling her gaze back on Clarke. The young girl was frowning, and Clarke could see the fear in her wide blue eyes.

“Then I’m going too.” Madi decided.

“You have to stay up here and keep things under control. People are going to start getting impatient, and some will even get violent.” Clarke explained, still looking at her daughter. “I have a bit more experience than everyone else when it comes to that stuff. I know what plants to gather, what signs to look for if water isn’t drinkable.”

Madi narrowed her eyes and lifted her chin stubbornly. “They have Bell-“

“I’m going. You’re staying.” Clarke said, fixing her daughter with a look that meant there was nothing Madi could do but listen to her. 

Unfortunately, Madi was just as stubborn as Clarke, so the girl simply folded her arms across her chest and glared at her. “I’m The Commander. I’m going with you.”

“You may be The Commander, but you’re still my daughter and I will not let you put yourself in danger. If I have to sedate you and strap you to a bed in medical, I will. You are staying on this ship until I think it is safe enough for you to come to the ground and that’s the end of it. Got it?” Clarke’s voice was quiet, but the authority in her words left no room for questions, not even from The Commander.

There was an awkward stretch of silence while Madi and Clarke glared at each other, everyone else was too stunned to speak and quite frankly, they didn’t want to fall victim to Clarke’s temper.

“But Clarke, you shouldn’t go alone…” Jordan finally spoke up, eyes full of genuine concern.

Clarke offered him a reassuring smile as she shrugged. “I was alone on an irradiated planet for a whole year, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

She wasn’t sure if she imagined it when Bellamy flinched.

 

Clarke repressed a sigh as Raven explained how to start up the drones for the fifteenth time in the last hour. Everyone was bustling around her preparing the drop ship for the launch that was scheduled to happen in twenty minutes, and Clarke hadn’t seen Madi yet to say goodbye. The girl had still been asleep when Clarke got up that morning, but by the time she was out of the shower, Madi was nowhere to be found.

“She’s with Emori.” Raven murmured, snapping Clarke out of her thoughts.

Clarke nodded, but the woman’s words did nothing to ease her mind. Madi hadn’t spoken to her since their fight, and that was three days ago.

“Now pay attention. I will be piloting the dropship from here, so don’t touch anything until you’ve landed and even then only use the controls to open and close the doors. Got it?” 

“Yeah I got it.” Clarke replied, scanning the launch bay for Madi as the electronic voice gave the five-minute warning.

“Strap in and get ready for launch. I’ll call you from the bridge and you can give me the all clear.” Raven instructed. “And…don’t worry about Madi, we’ll watch out for her.”

Clarke looked over her shoulder and offered Raven a relieved smile, Raven returned it after a few seconds before hurrying off the ship. She watched her friend limp across the launch bay, stopping to talk to Bellamy. From her seat in the cockpit, it almost looked like they were arguing. Eventually Raven threw her hands up in surrender and stalked off as Bellamy disappeared out of sight; Clarke settled into her seat and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure how long she would be down there for, wasn’t sure what to expect when she landed, and it terrified her. The year she’d spent alone on Earth wasn’t the walk in the park she pretended it was around her friends, and Clarke wasn’t thrilled to be spending potentially another year alone…away from Madi. At least this time the radio worked.

“Okay Clarke, all systems are a go on my end.” Raven’s voice crackled over the speakers. “You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” She answered, squeezing her eyes shut and waiting for the engines to fire.

“Bellamy, you ready?” 

“Send us down Reyes.” Bellamy replied from the seat beside her.

Clarke’s eyes flew open and she spun the chair to face him, mouth open in disbelief. What the hell was he doing? Why wasn’t he on the bridge with Raven? Bellamy met her stare with the ghost of his famous smirk on his lips as the ship roared to life and glided smoothly out into the vacuum of space.

“What are you doing?” Clarke snapped, trying to ignore the panicky feeling that was rising in her chest as the ship began to rattle, reminding herself that the turbulence of re-entry was normal.

“Keeping a promise.” Bellamy grunted in response, knuckles white as he clutched the armrest of his seat. “Several promises actually.”

Clarke shot him a confused look and focused on taking calm breaths as the ship groaned and shook. “What promises?”

“Your mother told me to keep you safe…six years ago. And I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” He replied through clenched teeth.

“Bellamy it’s been six years, or longer. You’re off the hook.” Clarke snapped, sucking in a nervous breath as the ship kept hurtling towards the ground.

Bellamy opened his mouth to answer, but closed it when the ship suddenly stopped shaking. They had landed. Neither of them spoke, they just listened to the silence and stared wide-eyed and open mouthed out the window at the new world. Clarke had thought that the view from space was something spectacular, but being there, on the planet and seeing the trees and the sky from the ships window…it was breath taking. Clarke wiped her eyes and made her way to the loading area where the drones were waiting to be powered on. She ignored Bellamy when he called after her, knowing he’d follow in a minute, and set to work turning on the six drones Raven had sent down with them. Once he had joined her and the drones were ready to go, Clarke drew in a deep breath, placed her hand on the lever that would open the door, and looked up at Bellamy.

“The air could be toxic you know.” He grinned, only partially serious. 

Clarke let out a huff that could have been a laugh if she wasn’t so nervous, and pulled the lever; she instantly felt a warm gust of wind hit her face.

“Are you guys seeing this?” She heard Bellamy choke out, and when she finally pulled her gaze away from the sight in front of her to glance over at him, his warm brown eyes were glittering with tears.

The radio in his hand crackled and Raven’s voice, thick with emotion, slipped through the static. “We’re seeing it. Murphy might actually swoon.”

Clarke and Bellamy both laughed, and Bellamy told Raven they would radio again in two hours. They stood there for a few moments and took it all in, enjoying the warm breeze on their skin. It was considerably warmer than Earth had been, even in the first few years after Praimfaya, but Clarke didn’t mind, it was significantly better than the recycled air on the spaceship. She glanced over at Bellamy with an excited grin, ready to explore the new planet. 

 

* * *

 

The days that followed were much of the same; exploring, gathering plants and water, searching for any signs of civilization, and reporting back to Raven every night. Clarke let Bellamy be the one to update their people on the progress of the mission; excusing herself to the waterfall they’d found when it was time to radio in. It was good to be back in a routine that was similar to her life back on Earth, Clarke just wished that the rest of their people would come down soon; she missed Madi. Bellamy seemed pretty content to be on the ground and each time he would report back to Eligius, it was almost like he was putting off telling Raven that it was safe for everyone to join them. Clarke wouldn’t bring it up, but she was sure it had something to do with not wanting to face his sister.

“What about other people? Have you guys come across anyone yet?” Raven asked one night during their nightly report.

“If there are other people living here, we haven’t met them. But that doesn’t mean anything. We didn’t know about the Grounder’s right away when we landed on Earth.” Bellamy replied, taking a seat across the fire from Clarke.

Clarke instinctively scanned the dark forest for any signs of someone lurking in the shadows. They had been on the ground for four days and had yet to come across any people, and she was beginning to think that they might actually be the only humans on the planet. While that was a somewhat comforting thought, it also made her wonder what kind of intelligent life did live there…there had to be something other than endless green forests and strange looking animals. A nasty looking spider-like insect had bitten her the day before, but as far as Clarke could tell the creature wasn’t a threat; she wasn’t sick from the bite. 

“If Madi’s around, I know Clarke would like to say goodnight.” She heard Bellamy say, and Clarke looked up from the herbs she had been sorting to see him watching her.

For a moment there was silence while they waited for the radio, then Raven’s voice slipped through the static. 

“Sorry Clarke, she’s not here. Talk to you guys tomorrow.”

Clarke sighed and went back to sorting her herbs, shoving away the disappointment she felt. Parenting the younger girl had been so much easier before she’d taken the chip. She only hoped that the other Commander’s in Madi’s head were trying to make her see reason...hopefully she had Lexa on her side.

“Remember when Octavia was like that?” Bellamy wondered quietly.

Clarke snorted, remembering a time when Bellamy was the one dealing with an angry teenager. “I almost feel bad for you now.”

Bellamy laughed and shook his head, staring into the flames. They sat in silence for a while, Clarke staring up at the stars, Bellamy watching her through the fire. It almost felt like it had all those years ago, before all the betrayal and abandonment had made them lose trust in one another. If only the time they’d spent sleeping had washed away all the bad blood between them… When Clarke finally met his gaze, she saw regret in his dark eyes, and her heart broke a little for him. She could see that he was honestly and truly sorry. For everything. For convincing Madi to become the commander, for taking that choice away from Clarke, for turning his back on her, even for leaving her on a burning planet. And she was surprised by how easy it was to forgive him for it; some things would never change…not even after six years apart. 

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy whispered, voicing his remorse even though there was no need; for the first time in a long time, Clarke and Bellamy were on the same page. So, Clarke smiled at him and was relieved by how normal it felt, like it had been before the world ended, before they’d opened Pandora’s Box. 

“I’m sorry too.” She breathed, not breaking eye contact because she was going to make damn sure that Bellamy never felt guilty for those things ever again.


	3. What I see

Bellamy stormed into the chancellor quarters in a foul mood. Jasper had somehow convinced him to have a drink with him and Miller, which naturally turned into way more than he should have consumed, and then Jasper proceeded to explain to Bellamy why trying to save them all from primfaya was pointless. The kid was a disaster and Bellamy had no idea how to help him, how could he when he didn’t even know how to help himself? How was he supposed to save the world? He muttered a few curses under his breath as he stumbled over to the couch, ready to pass the hell out until someone came to wake him up, but stopped short at the sound of a soft snore.

Clarke was asleep at the desk, her blonde hair fanned out over a mess of papers that Bellamy knew had the names of all the people they needed to cram into the Ark when the death wave hit. She had been trying to make the dreaded list when he’d stepped out for some air. He had figured she would have gone to bed, but he should have known better. A fresh wave of guilt washed over him; while he’d been out getting drunk with their friends, Clarke had been alone, holed up in the chancellors office trying to decide who gets to live and who gets to die. Something she shouldn’t have to do on her own. He flinched as he remembered what had happened the last time Clarke had felt like she’d made an impossible choice by herself…he’d lost her.

Rubbing his tired eyes, Bellamy shrugged out of his jacket and gently draped it over her shoulders. He watched her for a few minutes, noticing how dark the circles under her eyes were, and even though she was noticeably exhausted, she looked younger when she slept…almost peaceful. Staring at her in that moment, Bellamy realized that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her sleep. He thought back to the beach after Luna had sent them away…The thought made his heart thud anxiously and a lump lodged itself in his throat; Clarke never took care of herself. She didn’t care about what happened to her, as long as her people were safe.

Clarke mumbled something in her sleep, scrunching up her face like she did when she was thinking too hard, and Bellamy felt his lips twitch into a smile as she sighed impatiently. He wondered what she was dreaming about; was he there with her?

“Bellamy? What’s wrong?”

Bellamy jumped at the sound of her voice. He blinked and saw that she was staring back at him, a concerned look on her face, and he wondered how long she’d been awake.

“Nothing, I just…” He shook his head and cleared his throat, reaching for the list.

“I didn’t get very far with it.” Clarke yawned, standing up and stretching, and Bellamy watched as she slid her arms into the sleeves of his jacket. “Jasper caught up with you huh?”

Bellamy tried his best to keep his eyes on the paper and not on the woman beside him as she twisted her hair back out of her face, silently cursing himself for drinking so much.

“Yeah.” Bellamy admitted with a sigh, crossing the room and sinking down onto the couch.

Clarke plucked the piece of paper from his hand and set it back down on the desk, offering him a tired, yet reassuring smile.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll wake you if I need anything.” She suggested; her voice was soft and it made his chest hurt.

He hesitated for only a minute, finally deciding that he was in no state of mind to be dealing with the list. So after making Clarke promise to wake him up in an hour, Bellamy sprawled out on the little couch. He was out cold before he remembered his head hitting the cushions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't how she'd imagined their first meeting would happen...granted she'd had six years to think of all the different scenarios. And being who they were and how everything always happened with them, well, she shouldn't have been surprised; honestly.

The blanket of darkness comforted Clarke as she crouched in a thick cluster of bushes, trying her best to keep her ragged breaths quiet. She knew that they were hunting her, and that she'd most likely left a blood trail for them to follow, but at least in the dark her black blood wasn't as noticeable. The gash in her side was deep, and she needed to get the bleeding under control before she lost too much blood, but all of her medical supplies were back at the village with the intruders. Clarke hissed through clenched teeth when the wind caused a twig to rustle against her wounded side, and she moved to press her hand to it, but froze when she heard voices getting closer. She considered bolting, but they were too close now, so she stayed put and prayed that the bushes were enough to keep her hidden as the beams from their flashlights came into view. The first thing Clarke looked for when she saw them was Madi, and she was dizzy with relief when she confirmed that the girl wasn't with them.

"Diyoza said not to come back without them." One of the men grunted.

"We aren't going to find them in the dark, in their territory. If Diyoza has a problem with that, she can catch them herself." Another man snapped, spitting off to the side.

"You gonna be the one to tell her that, McCreary?"

The man, McCreary, snatched a radio from the other man's belt and glared around the circle as he keyed the radio. "This is a wild goose chase, we're coming back and we'll start again in the morning."

There was a long beat of silence before the radio crackled and a woman's voice filled the night air. "I don't remember giving the order for you to return."

"I don't remember asking for your permission." McCreary sneered before turning the radio off and motioning for his people to follow him.

Once she was sure they were out of ear shot, Clarke let out a shuddering breath and slowly left the safety of the bushes. She sat down and leaned back against a tree, wincing in pain as she gingerly touched her side; her fingers came away slick with blood. Clarke knew that she should be thinking about the new intruders, who they were, where they came from, were they able to be reasoned with...but the last few hours had taken a toll, and she was struggling to keep her thoughts straight. Her biggest concern was Madi. Clarke needed to go to her, but she was dizzy from losing blood and commanding her legs to move was proving difficult. She drew in a deep breath and peeled some moss off of the tree to soak up the blood leaking from her wound, and after a minute, Clarke was able to convince herself to get up and go to Madi. Clarke knew the woods like the back of her hand, she'd had six years to familiarize herself with them, so finding the spot she had left Madi to hide in was easy, but of course the kid wasn't there when she finally stumbled upon the hole in the ground. She cursed under her breath and scanned the darkness for any sign of the younger girl, letting out the sharp whistle they used to communicate on a hunt; she was met with silence. Her head spun as she tried to think of where Madi would have gone; they had several little hideouts all over the valley but none were close to where she was now. 

"You sure this is the place?" A voice hissed to her right.

Clarke had just enough time to duck behind a tree before three figures emerged from the darkness.

"She said to go half a mile east, this is the place." A woman whispered, her voice tugging at something in Clarke's brain.

"Did anyone ever consider that maybe the kid was screwing with us?" Another voice quipped, slightly louder than the others. Clarke felt ice run down her spine and she was moving before she could think better of it. In four swift steps she had her knife pressed against the closest persons throat, and her gun aimed in the general direction of the other two.

"Where is she? Where's Madi?" Clarke demanded, squinting to see the faces of the strangers in the dark.

"Clarke?" Her hostage choked out; the knife fell from her hand and her heart stopped beating.

It wasn't how she'd imagined their first meeting would happen...she'd had six years to think of all the different scenarios. Of course, being who they were and how everything always happened with them, well, she shouldn't have been surprised honestly. And maybe it was the fact that she was bleeding out with each passing minute, but when he turned to face her, Clarke's knees buckled and she had to lean against a tree to keep from falling. There was a moment of silent awe as they both simply stared at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes, and then Bellamy had his arms around her. She felt his breath ruffle the hair around her neck where his face was buried, where it had always rested when they held each other like that, and she felt his tears dripping onto her exposed shoulder where her jacket had slid down. Relief and joy surged through her as she clung to him, breathing him in with deep shaky breaths. He was alive. She vaguely heard herself whispering it into his shoulder, needing to confirm it out loud that he was real, that he was alive.

"You're really here." She whispered thickly when they finally pulled away, wiping tears from her cheeks.

Bellamy nodded with a smile and gestured to the others. "We're all here. Raven, Emori, Harper and Monty are with Madi and the rover."

Clarke looked around and saw Murphy grinning at her. "I never thought I'd see you again." He chuckled, and sauntered over for a hug. "I'm glad I was wrong."

"We all thought you were dead.We weren't sure if the little girl was telling the truth about you or not." Echo informed her, watching her closely with a look on her face that Clarke couldn't quite place.

"C'mon, let's get back to the others so they can see for themselves." Bellamy said, motioning for her to follow them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why I can write a bunch of oneshots but not update my other ongoing fics....I am eternally sorry you guys...

They’ve been awake for a total of two days when Raven sits down across from Bellamy with a very amused and knowing look on her face. At first, it makes Bellamy smile because it feels like it’s been ages since he’s seen her look so much like herself, but he quickly becomes suspicious because if she’s looking at him like that, she is about to say something that he isn’t going to like.

“What is it Raven.” Bellamy sighs, pushing his tray of food towards her.

Raven’s grin widens as she accpets the tray and takes a large mouthful of the grey mush he’d been eating.

“I have a theory.” She states casually, twirling the fork around the tray.

Bellamy swallows a groan and crosses his arms. “Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this theory?”

Raven only smirks at him and finishes the last of the mush on the tray. She leans forward and rests her elbows on the table before meeting his eyes, her face suddenly very serious, and Bellamy feels his stomach clench uneasily.

“You’re in love with Clarke.”

Bellamy pales, but manages to keep a straight face as he narrows his eyes at the woman sitting across from him. “And where the hell did you get that idea from?”

“Do you want all the evidence, or just the most recent findings?” Raven asks, arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t need any evidence because there is none.” Bellamy quips, rolling his eyes and getting to his feet.

Raven levels him with a look and he slowly sits back down, sending her a glare…but of course she ignores it and powers on. “You care about her, you always have.”

Bellamy lets out an exasperated huff, “I care about all of you.”

“You marched through an Azgeda army to get to her, and you tried to go after her even though you probably would have bled to death.” Raven deadpans.

“I thought her life was in danger.” Bellamy mumbles, avoiding Raven’s eyes.

“You would’ve followed her anywhere if she’d asked you to…and I think you still would.” Raven continues, voice slightly softer. “And when we were back on the Ark, after the world ended, we all mourned her, but you…you were mourning the loss of someone who meant more to you than a simple friend.”

Bellamy feels his eyes prickle at the memory, remembering his heart breaking as he shut the spaceship door and left her behind to burn. Somehow it still hurts like it had all those years ago.

“Yeah, she was more than just a friend. We were a team, she was my partner…my best friend. I thought that she died alone on a burning planet because I left her behind.” He says hoarsly.

“And if the rest of us weren’t there, if it had just been you, would you have stayed?” Raven wonders, her words slicing into his heart.

Bellamy blinks at her, taken aback by the question, because how is he supposed to answer that? Because that had never been an option so there was never a reason to consider it, but suddenly now it is. Would he have let her die alone? No. Never. Would he have stayed behind with her?

“Yeah, I would have.” He admits.

Raven smiles at him, like she knew that was his answer all along, and shrugs. “Then I rest my case.”

“None of that proves that I’m in love with Clarke.” Bellamy argues, feeling annoyed with himself for even humouring Raven in the first place.

“Oh get over yourself Blake. You two went from "I can’t believe I’m stuck on this planet with you” to “I am not leaving this planet without you”. Literally. Clarke ran off the ship when she thought I was going to leave you behind, and you just admitted that you would have stayed to wait for her.“ Raven fires back, sounding slightly annoyed herself.

Bellamy sighs, dragging a hand down his face. "Maybe there was a time when I had feelings for her, but that was a long time ago. Things have changed- we’ve changed. She left me to die in Octavia’s fighting pit.”

“You went against her and convinced Madi to take the Flame. And I don’t believe for one second that you haven’t forgiven her already. Because, unlike the rest of us, you can’t seem to stay mad at her.” Raven counters, folding her arms across her chest and sitting back in her chair.

“Raven.” Bellamy warns lowly.

“Bellamy.” She replies, mocking his tone.

“I have Echo.” Bellamy says, mentally kicking himself for not bringing her up first.

Raven seems to mull over something in her head, because she is quiet for a moment, but he sees her make up her mind as she narrows her eyes at him. She sighs, fixing him with a look that she gets when she’s about to drop a bomb on him, and clumsily gets to her feet. Bellamy notices the way she winces as she puts pressure on her bad leg.

“You remember when Murphy brought back that Grounder virus? Clarke was infected, but Finn didn’t hesitate to catch her when she fainted. Even though he knew he might get sick, he still caught her. But when I volunteered to plant the bomb on the bridge…he hesitated to take my place.” Raven’s voice is quiet and far away as she remembers that day, her eyes misty.

“You don’t hesitate when you’re in love with someone, you don’t think rationally.” Raven blinks, returning to the present, and offers him a sad smile.

“I don’t see how that relates…” Bellamy frowns, remembering that day like it was yesterday.

“You never hesitate when it comes to Clarke.” She says slowly. “You’re not rational when it comes to her.”

“How am I not rational?” Bellamy scoffs, deciding that Raven is crazy after being asleep for a hudred years.

“You poisoned your own sister to protect her!” Raven explodes, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. “Jesus Bellamy, wake up! You love her, you always have but you’ve never done anything about it. Do something about it this time.” And with that, Raven leaves him at the table to avoid all the curious stares from the people around him.


	6. Chapter 6

Bellamy’s hand closed around the empty whiskey bottle as memories of a burning planet played in his head. He stared at it like he had six years ago, like he did in the moments when he was alone, and felt the familiar ache in his chest awaken. It didn’t hurt like it had all those years ago, but it was still enough for him to close his eyes and see her. Things were supposed to be different, they were supposed to have more time. There was so much that he should have said…if only he’d had more time. 

“We’re ready to go…Are you with me?” Raven asked softly from behind him, making him jump. 

Bellamy took a shaky breath and wiped his eyes, setting the bottle back down where he had found it, willing her memory to go away with it. 

“Always.”

 

With Raven and Emori piloting the ship the landing was a lot better than the last time Bellamy had come to the ground in a dropship, and once Raven gave the okay for him to open the door, they couldn’t get out of the ship fast enough. Murphy was the first one out, and the complete and utter joy on the man’s face was enough to warm Bellamy’s heart. He watched his family exit the ship, chuckling at Echo who was crouched in a defensive position with her hand on the hilt of her sword, ready to fight at the drop of a hat as always. Monty actually knelt down and kissed the grass.

Bellamy stood there and drew in a slow breath, feeling the sun warm his skin, the gentle breeze ruffling his hair, and the soft yet solid ground under his boots. He could hear his friends talking excitedly, he could see the forest that stretched out before him and he wondered if it had always been that green. 

“We did it.” Harper breathed, suddenly appearing beside him. She looked up at him and smiled, her kind eyes filling with tears as she reached out at squeezed his arm. “Thank you.”

A lump lodged itself in his throat and Bellamy could only return the smile and try to blink back the tears he felt prickling his eyes. After six long, hard years, they were still alive. They were home.

“Is it really them?” Someone wondered from the tree line behind them.

Startled, they all spun around to find the source of the young voice and Bellamy felt the air whoosh out of his lungs. He heard Raven’s sharp intake of breath, and later he would have to remember to smack Murphy for the cuss that flew passed his lips, and the whole world seemed to freeze. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, but there she was, standing at the edge of the forest with a rifle slung over her shoulder, staring at them with wide eyes like she was the one who couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Had she spent the last six years thinking they were dead too? He snapped out of his reverie when he saw her take a tentative step toward them, and then he was all but tripping over himself to get to her. 

Bellamy stumbled to an abrupt stop right in front of her, so close that he could feel the heat radiating off her skin, could see the constellations in those wide blue eyes that his dreams had never been able to get right. He only had a second to process before her arms were around his neck, and it was real. Clarke was alive. Clarke was alive and clinging to him like a lifeline as she cried quietly into his shirt, and once the initial shock finally wore off, Bellamy wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her neck. She was real and nothing else mattered.

Bellamy opened his mouth and then closed it again. In space, he’d always imagined what he would have said if he ever got a second chance, things like how losing her was something he hadn’t been able to fully heal from, how the first few months in space had been the worst days of his life. He wanted to tell her that he missed her, that he was so happy to see her…there was so much to say, but nothing was coming out. She really was alive and looking at him with eyes so deep and warm and right there in front of him, and all he could do was stare in awe.  
“You’re really here.” Clarke breathed, reaching up to touch his face and wipe a tear from his cheek. He saw the tears well up in her eyes as she studied his face while her bottom lip trembled.

Clarke closed her eyes and pulled him into another tight embrace. “You’re home.”

Bellamy let out a breathy chuckle, still slightly dazed, and held her tighter; it felt more like coming home than anything ever had before. Right there, feeling her heart beating, he was home. 

He knew that he hadn’t said anything to her, and he needed to say something. She was his best friend, his partner, the head to his heart. He’d spent so many years thinking she was dead, hating himself for leaving her behind, regretting not telling her how much she meant to him…but now that she was there in front of him, he struggled to find the right words.

So he settled on the only thing he knew would make her smile. Pulling away, he shot her his famous Bellamy Blake smirk and folded his arms across his chest. 

“How about that drink Princess?


	7. Take me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2 AU where Clarke takes Finn's place.

Clarke stepped forward, wincing as Indra’s spear dug deeper into the skin of her stomach. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other Grounder warriors shift their weight and ready their weapons; she pressed harder against the spear, meeting the Grounders’ eyes. She felt her hands begin to tremble and her heart beat frantically in her chest as the seconds drug by agonizingly. 

“Let her through.”

Clarke watched Lexa’s face carefully, but the woman didn’t even blink. They weren’t going to let him go. Her mind whirled and her heart was beating so loud that she could hear it slamming into her ribs. There was no way that she could just give him up, but there was also nothing that she could do without starting a fight. Clarke looked over at Finn as the Grounders hauled him over to a post; his eyes were wide… terrified. She wouldn’t let him die; she had promised Raven that she would save him. Clarke felt her lips moving as she tried to reason with The Commander; she couldn’t even hear what was coming out of her mouth over the deafening roaring in her ears.

“We are what we are.” Lexa growled, narrowing her eyes at Clarke.

Casting a desperate glance at Finn, Clarke clenched her fists and drew in a ragged breath.

“Then I’m a killer, I _burned_ three hundred of your people. I _slit_ a man’s throat and watched him _die_. I’m soaked in Grounder blood… _Take me_.”

“But Finn is guilty.” The Commander’s tone was firm but softer than it had been before.

“No! He did it for _me_.” Clarke looked away to stop the tears from escaping, and when she spoke again, she wasn’t able to keep her voice steady. “ _He did it for me._ ”

They stared at each other for a moment, Lexa studying Clarke with a look of respect in her cat-like eyes. Clarke didn’t blink, she didn’t breathe; Lexa nodded. A wave of relief washed over her and she hurried over to untie Finn. He looked confused but Finn didn’t ask questions until he was free. Clarke wrapped her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug, fighting back tears; they would never see each other again. She pressed her lips to his neck, breathing him in. This was goodbye to the boy that she loved.

“What’s going on?” He asked as she pulled away.

“You’re free to go. Now get out of here before they change their mind.” Clarke said quietly. “Go to Raven.”

Finn nodded, squeezing her hand before taking off up the hill. She watched him walk through the gate, saw Raven hurl herself at him, and she saw Bellamy. He was staring right at her, and she could feel the weight of his gaze from where she stood below the camp. Clarke drew in a deep breath and met the Lexa’s eyes; she was ready. The Commander, with a neutral expression on her face, motioned for the warriors to tie Clarke up. There was a long pause before anyone moved, but Clarke wasn’t focused on the Grounders, her eyes were on Bellamy. Even from where she was standing, she could see the pieces click in his head, and she watched him begin to shove people out of his way as he ran for the gate. Clarke felt hands pulling her to the post, a rope secured her wrists together around the pole; and then there was silence. In the distance, Clarke heard her mother desperately calling her name; looking up, she was relieved to see that Kane was holding her back. However, no one was restraining Bellamy as he sprinted toward them; Raven, Murphy, and Finn close behind him. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks as she watched her friends come to a halt in front of the guards. There was nothing that they could do to stop it, and Bellamy seemed to realize that because he met Clarke’s eyes and his shoulders slumped. Clarke wished that they would leave; she didn’t want them to see her die.

“Clarke…” He began, but he didn’t finish; there was nothing to say. Clarke was going to die.

Finn tried to fight his way toward her, but Murphy stopped him by saying something that Clarke couldn’t hear. Raven snarled nasty words at the Commander, struggling to free herself from the Grounder that was restraining her. Clarke bowed her head for a second, trying to block out the frantic shouts from her friends; she had to do this, or Finn would die. She didn’t want to suffer the pain of eighteen deaths, Clarke didn’t want to die, but the survival of her people was depending on her. She stood up straighter and squared her shoulders, letting them know that she was not afraid as a Grounder approached her with a sharp dagger. Then Lexa joined him, and took the dagger from his hands.

“You are brave, Clarke of the Sky People. Your death will mark the beginning of the truce between our people.” The Commander said, loud enough for everyone to hear. 

Clarke heard her mother scream, and she was aware of Raven shouting, Finn shouting…but nothing from Bellamy. She saw him standing there in the chaos that Raven and Finn were causing, looking at her with an expression on his face that was a mixture of respect, anger, love, and pain. Clarke watched his lips form a sentence as Lexa lifted the dagger, placing it over Clarke’s heart. She kept her gaze on him; let his presence take away her fear. There was a sharp pain, and a cry tore itself from her throat; it was echoed by screams from her mother, from her people. A unified _NO_ that seemed to resonate within her. She was doing the right thing, Clarke was saving her people, and that brought a smile to her face. She saw Bellamy sink to his knees, never taking his eyes off of her, and she as she drew in her last breath, his words from earlier drifted through her mind; _May we meet again_.


	8. Chapter 8

_It was like she was watching through a frosted window, and the frost was slowly melting. There were voices somewhere, but they were muffled by the window and she couldn't make out what exactly was being said...she thought she heard her name though. Clarke tried to focus on the voices, but the harder she tried to listen they grew more muffled and she grew weaker. Frustrated, Clarke turned away from the window and took in her surroundings. The walls were covered in drawings. Faces she knew but couldn't put names to, images of places she didn't know she had seen...couldn't remember. She had to remember... A young girl with sharp cheekbones, smiling so wide and joyful with her arms in the air surrounded by trees... a boy with goggles holding up a sign, a girl bloody but smiling in a space pod. There were faces that conjured up blurry memories, like her mother, the wild haired child she would call her daughter, a woman bathed in a ray of sunlight looking so happy and beautiful it made Clarke's heart ache, a man with curly hair and freckles..._

_A deep voice made Clarke look back toward the window where the frost was almost gone. She could see a large room, she could see hands chained to the wall. There was a lethal looking woman with long brown hair standing over a man with dark grey hair while a small group of people watched from the corner. Clarke felt her heart thud when she realized that the man with curly hair and freckles, was standing to her right._

_"Bellamy." Clarke whispered._

_Suddenly everything outside of the window was moving, like someone was shaking their head, and she heard her own voice cuss in confusion. Bellamy turned, met her gaze, and told her to shut up. The hatred in his eyes made Clarke's skin crawl._

_"What's going on?" She demanded, but the words echoed off of the walls around her and then died. No one even glanced her way._

_"You're supposed to be dead." An irritated voice snapped from behind her._

_Clarke spun around and came face to face with another face she vaguely recognized. The woman wasn't someone she knew, but she had seen her somewhere before..._

_"Josephine Lightborn." Clarke breathed as everything fell into place._

_The woman grinned and nodded, almost appearing impressed. "Nice to meet you."_

"Tell us how to get Clarke back." Echo growled, towering over Russel.

The man sighed, and met Bellamy's eyes across the room. "Even if you remove Josephine's chip... I can't promise that she will return to you. When I cleared the host-"

"Clarke." Bellamy snarled. "Her name is Clarke."

Russel dipped his head apologetically and tried again. "When I put my daughter in Clarke's body, I wiped her completely. Clarke didn't exist anymore."

"Well she must've been taking a nap, because she's back." Josephine snapped from where she was chained to the wall; a thin line of black blood trickled from her nose.

Bellamy's head whipped around to stare, wide eyed, at the woman inhabiting Clarke's body. "She's alive?" 

Josephine sneered at him. "Not for long."

Echo grinned wickedly and turned back to Russel. "Jordan is out there right now exposing you and your family to the people of Sanctum. It won't be long until they are breaking down the doors to get vengeance for their loved ones, so I suggest you tell us what we want to know before I make you watch them tear your wife and daughter to shreds."

The man's eyes widened as her words sank in, and he cast a panicked glance toward Josephine as someone began pounding on the door. "Please! Please, don't hurt her. I'll help you in any way that I can."

_"I've heard so much about you." Josephine drawled, wandering around Clarke's cell, eyes scanning the pictures covering the walls._

_"Get out of my head." Clarke sighed._

_"I think Bellamy is the only one other than your mother and daughter that actually give a shit if you live." Josephine stage whispered. "They all hate you."_

_Clarke drew in a deep breath and narrowed her eyes at Josephine. "They have every reason to, and if they hate me for the rest of my life then I can rest assured they never had to do the things I've done."_

_The window frosted over again as memories flickered on the glass, a compilation of all the hard choices she had been forced to make, the moments that tore her farther and farther away from them. Closing the dropship door and killing an army of Lexa's warriors in a ring of fire, killing Finn, TonDC, the genocide at Mount Weather, running away from her people, leaving Murphy in Polis, that damned list...poisoning Octavia and leaving Bellamy to die in the fighting pit. Always playing God, always deciding who is expendable and who isn't. Taking the weight of those decisions so the others didn't have to suffer the guilt._

_Josephine let out a low whistle and chuckled. "No wonder they call you The Commander of Death."_

_Clarke wiped the tears from her eyes and squared her shoulders. "I've killed more people in seven years than you have in two hundred. If you don't get the fuck out of my head, you will be just another number to add to the collection."_

_"We'll see about that."_

"So what you're saying is that Clarke and Josephine have to battle to the death?" Murphy wondered as he watched Raven and Jordan hook Josephine up to a machine.

"If what Bellamy said was true about Clarke having had a "flame" in her head before... then yes. The technology leaves a footprint of a sort-"

"It acts as a protectant in a way. Like how computers have virus shields...Clarke has one in her head because of the Flame." Raven interrupted Russel, a scowl on her face.

Bellamy frowned. "But her body rejected the Flame, it nearly killed her."

"Doesn't matter, she had the tech in her head and it left something behind. Which is good for us because it means she's still in there, the only bad thing about it is that there is an active hard drive with someone else's entire being uploaded to it, attached to her brain now." Jordan replied, looking down at Josephine where she was strapped to the table.

Bellamy shook his head, still not fully grasping the problem. "She's in there though."

Raven sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "The imprint of the Flame is keeping her alive yes, and if she was still dormant it would be as easy as removing Josephine's chip, however she's not dormant. The two hard drives are basically battling for dominance right now, their data is all intermingled."

"Remove Josephine, and we potentially remove Clarke too." Murphy muttered.

The room fell silent, and Bellamy stared down at Josephine...at Clarke. His mind was racing as the reality of the situation sank in; there was a very real chance that she wouldn't return to them. Did she even want to come back, or was it just the technology fighting off a virus? He thought back to what Murphy told him after the eclipse, how Clarke had tried to end her life.

"Would that really be so bad?" Raven wondered after a moment. "We take out the body snatcher, and we don't have to worry about Clarke screwing up any chance we have at peace."

Bellamy shot Raven a glare that made Murphy step in between the two of them. "Look, Clarke isn't my favourite person right now either, but you're talking about killing her."

Raven regarded Bellamy with a cautious look and shrugged. "She's dangerous."

"We are not killing Clarke!" Bellamy thundered.

Murphy placed a hand on Bellamy's chest and gently pushed him back. "No, we aren't. Clarke has made some pretty shitty choices in the past, but like it or not, those shitty choices are the reason we're still alive."

Echo, who had been watching them from the doorway, stepped forward. "We've all done things we aren't proud of to survive. Clarke is no different."

"Then all we can do is wait and see who is stronger, Josephine or Clarke." Raven grumbled, not meeting anyone's eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

Raven was sitting at the bar, glaring into her cup, when she heard the door open. She heaved an irritated sigh and shook her head as the person approached and hopped up onto the stool next to her, and she could feel their eyes on her face like they were waiting for her to acknowledge them. 

"What do you want Clarke?" Raven grumbled, not bothering to turn her head. She didn't have to, Clarke had a...thing about her, something that let you know she was there without having to announce her presence.

Clarke didn't say anything for a moment, and Raven could feel the blonde studying her. 

"I came to drink." She finally replied. "Figured you could use some company...It's kind of a cry for help, drinking alone."

Raven let out a humorless laugh and downed the rest of her drink, shooting an incredulous look toward the other girl. "Of all the people on this planet, you are the last person I want to have a drink with."

A flicker of confusion crossed Clarke's face before she pursed her lips, like she was pondering something. After a moment, realization seemed to dawn on her and she nodded slowly. "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"You've already apologized, or don't you remember? Too busy making nice with the body snatchers." Raven snapped, a look of disgust on her face. 

"Making nice with those _body snatchers_ is what's going to keep all of you alive. Wouldn't want to piss them off, they might snatch you next." 

Clarke smirked and leaned forward, arching her brow almost challengingly. Her voice was pitched low like she was letting Raven in on a secret, but the way she was smirking made Raven uneasy, it was like Clarke was taunting her. It almost sounded like a threat. Raven blinked and motioned for another drink, trying to mask her shock. It wasn't like Clarke to threaten her people, let alone make a joke about them being killed. In fact, Clarke hadn't been acting like herself at all. The way she was presenting herself, even her voice...it was careless. Clarke was intense, she was guarded, she couldn't be careless even if she tried. Raven felt her eyes widen and Clarke laughed.

"That took a little longer than I thought it would." The blonde drawled, taking a sip from her glass. "Bellamy figured it out right away, but then again...he actually cared enough to notice that something was wrong."

Raven narrowed her eyes at the woman beside her and clenched her fist. "Who are you and what did you do to Clarke."

The imposter laughed, rolling her eyes. When Raven said nothing, she chuckled and shrugged. "My name is Josephine, and I didn't do anything to Clarke. My dad wiped her brain and put me in her body."

"He killed her?" Raven whispered, feeling a lump lodge itself in her throat.

"Oh come on Raven, don't act like you suddenly give a shit, I know you wrote her off." Josephine deadpanned, tilting her glass back and forth. "That's a little harsh if you ask me, I mean she stayed behind on a burning planet for six years while you and the rest of your friends were chillin up in space."

Raven exhaled sharply and shook her head, flexing her fingers to keep herself from hitting something...or someone. "You don't know the whole story."

"Actually, I do. I've seen her memories Raven, all of them. All the _monstrous_ things she's done to keep you and the rest of your ungrateful group alive. Always sacrificing, always the bad guy. I'm just sharing my thoughts on all this." Josephine grinned and tilted her head to the side. "She actually hated herself for all of it. You drilled it so deep into her head that she was poison, she genuinely believed you were all better off without her. Did you know she tried to kill herself during the eclipse? While everyone was tripping balls and turning on each other, Clarke was pressing a scalpel to her throat."

Tears prickled Raven's eyes and she had to look away from the stranger wearing Clarke's face. "You're lying."

Josephine clucked her tongue disapprovingly, that blood boiling smirk still on her lips. "I wish I was, that would probably make this a lot easier for you right? Maybe you wouldn't feel so guilty for making her despise herself so much that she didn't even put up much of a fight when I took over. She could have killed me, she was strong enough."

Raven couldn't take her eyes off of her glass as she sat there fuming. "Then why didn't she?"

"She was tired of fighting, obviously. Did you miss the whole part where I said she wanted to kill herself? Where she thought you were all better off without her? She's poison, blah blah blah?" Josephine sighed and fixed Raven with a teasing pout. "For someone so smart, you really don't use your head."

Raven slammed her fists down on the bar and turned to look at Josephine. She had never wanted to kill someone more than she did in that moment, and it must have been reflected in her eyes because she saw Josephine's smug smile falter ever so slightly as she leaned in close to the blonde.

"I think it would be _smart_ for you to leave." Raven hissed, not breaking eye contact.

Josephine grinned triumphantly and hopped down off the bar stool. She finished her drink and waved as she sauntered towards the door. "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to tell you that she loved you."

She was already out the door when Raven whipped her glass at her.


	10. Chapter 10

It didn't take long for Josephine to stop resisting once they had left the safety of the radiation shield, and Bellamy was thankful for that; despite his desperation to get Clarke back...he was exhausted. It was like the moment they stepped out of Sanctum, the weight of everything had come crashing down on him. There was a lot to shoulder. 

"Clarke will be dead before you find Gabriel." The body snatcher muttered, crashing through the forest behind him.

Bellamy was not in the mood to talk to the stranger that had stolen Clarke's body. It hurt to hear someone else using her voice, to look at her and see a cold blankness staring back at him with her eyes. They had told him to let her go, to move on and accept that Clarke was gone, but how was he supposed to do that when she was standing there looking like _her_. Josephine had had him fooled for a brief moment in the beginning, and he would hate himself until the day he died for not realizing until it was almost too late; maybe it was already too late. How could he have been so blind? Why did he always seem to fail her?

"Not to sound biased or anything, but it's almost better that she does die. She wouldn't have to keep on with her miserable existence." Josephine grumbled, glancing nervously into the trees.

Bellamy shot her a murderous look. "Be quiet."

"Or what?" Josephine snorted and trudged passed him. "You can't kill me, because that would mean killing Clarke and we both know that you could never do that."

Bellamy shook his head and did his best to ignore her as they walked. He wanted to kill her, wanted to put a bullet in her brain- but it was Clarke's brain. He hated how smug Josephine looked; it was an expression he had seen on that face a thousand times, yet somehow it was so unfamiliar and sinister. The woman he knew could never look like that even if she tried, yet now she did. God it hurt to look at her. He thought the pain had been unbearable when he'd left her to die on a burning planet, he thought it hurt knowing she wouldn't be there waiting for him to come back to Earth. But losing her all over again, having to tell her _child_ that her mother was never coming back, being forced to sit back while he watched someone else walk around in _her_ body... _that_ was agony.

"Oh _come on_ Bellamy, aren't you just a little bit curious about what goes on in this pretty little head?" Josephine pressed, glancing at him over her shoulder with a wicked smirk.

"I don't want to know what goes through your head." Bellamy growled, unable to look at her.

The girl laughed and turned to face him. "Not mine, Clarke's."

Bellamy faltered for a moment before shaking his head and continuing on. Josephine sighed and hurried after him, making a lot of noise in the process. Clarke never made noise when she walked; she was too careful.

"How'd you even figure out that she's still alive?" The girl wondered after a long silence.

Bellamy thought back to the tapping and bit back a proud smile. "I just knew."

"Well she thinks you gave up on her so..." Josephine shrugged and clucked her tongue.

Bellamy's heart skipped a beat and he stopped dead in his tracks. " _Why does she think that?_ "

"I might have shown her your surrender. That's why she stopped fighting me, she knew she couldn't win without help and then she thought you all abandoned her." Josephine grinned triumphantly. "It wasn't that hard for her to believe, considering how much all your friends hate her, how many times you've left her to die. Easy-peasy."

Bellamy let out a shaky breath and clenched his fists, glaring daggers at the imposter.

Another eye roll. "Yeah yeah. You know, for someone who claims to care so much about her, you sure have hurt her a lot." She taunted, arching an eyebrow.

"You don't know anything-"

"If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. Yeah I know, I'm in her head remember? I've seen everything she has, every thought, memory, dream...all the self hatred. Come to think of it, I probably know Clarke better than you do at this point." 

Bellamy winced; Josephine using Clarke's voice stung as the words clawed into him. It all just sounded so wrong...so careless, like the words had no meaning at all. He wondered if Clarke could hear them, if she was as disgusted as he was. 

Josephine laughed and stepped into him, pressing her shoulder to his chest as she smiled sweetly up at him. "She loves you. I'm supposed to tell you that. I don't understand why, I mean hello! You went behind her back and turned her _daughter_ into a weapon. Sure she left you to die in your crazy sister's gladiator dungeon, but you kind of had it coming...wouldn't you agree? And that's not the only shitty thing you've done to her but we won't get into that right now, what I want to know is how two people who love each other so much, can make the other feel so disposable-"

Something inside of him snapped, and Bellamy saw rather than felt his fist connect with Josephine's jaw. The girl looked stunned for only a moment before she staggered backwards and fell to the ground, out cold. Bellamy stared down at the blonde for a second while he swallowed his guilt, and after deciding that Clarke would understand, he lifted the unconscious imposter into his arms and continued on his search for Gabriel.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke wasn't sure how she managed to find Gabriel's little hide out, but she figured it had something to do with the way Josephine grew more and more anxious until they pulled up to a...weird radio tower. She could feel Josephine struggling to gain back control and it made Clarke's head hurt even more than it already did; they were running out of time. Clarke scanned the camp and saw a dark haired man walking towards her, with Octavia beside him. Trying her best to ignore Josephine's shouting, Clarke killed the bikes engine and removed her helmet, meeting Octavia's eyes for a brief moment. The younger woman stopped a few feet away and crossed her arms. 

"You must be Clarke." Gabriel assumed, glancing back and forth between Octavia and Clarke.

Clarke got off of the bike and approached them. "I am, and you're Gabriel."

Gabriel nodded, studying her closely. "You claim to have an old...friend of mine in your head."

"Yeah and we don't have much time. Can you get her out or not?" Clarke replied, wiping away the line of blood that trickled from her nose.

"Follow me."

Clarke followed Gabriel into the tent and sat down on the chair he pointed at. Octavia hovered awkwardly near the door, eyes darting from Clarke, to the floor and back again. She looked nervous, unsure...something that Clarke wasn't used to from her. Octavia seemed to be struggling with something inside herself. 

"I have to warn you, there is a very real chance that you won't survive this." Gabriel warned as he secured restraints around Clarke's wrists and ankles.

 _Last chance to give up before you die_ Josephine sneered, glaring at her from the other side of the tent.

"Octavia...the others are in trouble. Bellamy is being held captive by the Children of Gabriel in a cave a few miles from here. He might have escaped by now but..." Clarke met the woman's eyes, feeling scared for the first time since she woke up locked in her own mind. "Find him and save our people."

Octavia nodded and handed the radio to Gabriel. "Call them off so I can save my brother's ass." She glanced back at Clarke while the man radioed his people. "You better not die on us."

Clarke let out a nervous chuckle and pursed her lips. "May we meet again."

 _You people make me sick. Seriously Clarke, playtime is over, give me back control before our brain melts._ Josephine snapped, leaning over her threateningly. 

Clarke ignored her and looked at Gabriel. "Let's do this."


End file.
